add to facebookIf the federal government shuts down . . .
Apr 08, 2011 | Posted by John Isaacs
(humor)
-->Cherry blossoms closed for the duration
-->Astronauts in space station required to stay in Russian-built Soyuz space capsule
-->Department of Energy permitted to service existing nuclear weapons but not build
new ones
-->Pacific Coast salmon barred from swimming upstream
-->Military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq continue; “humanitarian” operations in
Libya suspended
-->National Zoo’s orangutan can be fed but not treated for depression when audience
disappears
-->Hoover dam opened to prevent federal hindrance of free flow of water
-->No elevator operators in Congress; Members required to push their own buttons
(true)
-->Federal employees who leave the country by April 8 not permitted to return until
shutdown ends
-->Easter and Passover canceled
-->Missile defense rockets grounded
-->All Koran burnings suspended
-->Large financial institutes can go belly up without federal assistance
-->Federal magistrates delay marriage ceremonies
-->Tea baggers required to switch from bags to loose tea
-->Severe blackberry withdrawal will lead to Prozac shortage
-->Humor is deemed non-essential and barred for the duration.
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If the federal government shuts down . . . | 0 Comments | Post a Comment
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